Chauffeur-driven March on Washington Draws Hundreds

Source: www.Borowitzreport.com

Responding to the chorus of retired generals who have recently called for his ouster, hundreds of retired oil company executives marched on Washington today to show their support for Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.

The former executives, members of the Retired Petroleum Titans of America, massed on the nation’s capital in what was believed to be the largest chauffeur-driven protest march in American history.

With their chauffeurs holding protest signs reading “Support Our Crude,” the former oil bigwigs demonstrated their support for the man they believe to be the greatest defense secretary ever.

Champ Greeley, chairman of the retired oil executives group, said that his fellow petroleum eminences took time out from their annual golf outing in the Virgin Islands to show their support for the embattled Mr. Rumsfeld.

“I know that the retired generals aren’t happy with the job Secretary Rumsfeld is doing, but there are two sides to every story,” Mr. Greeley said. “As far as we retired oil executives are concerned, things just couldn’t be going any better.”

Mr. Greeley said that many of the oil executives spent their entire careers working to raise gas prices to stratospheric levels, something Mr. Rumsfeld has helped accomplish in a matter of a few short years.

“Donald Rumsfeld hasn’t brought peace to the Mideast, but he has brought three-dollars-a-gallon gas to the Midwest,” he said. “For that alone, he deserves our unwavering support.”

Elsewhere, President Bush said today that immigrants should be permitted to work in America on a temporary basis, much as he does at the White House.